Self Care: Big Medicine


Hello sweetlings. I have been having a very rough time of it lately and it is drudging up all sorts of feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, and just general depression.

Sometimes you need to feel sad and hurt. I know this, I believe this. Yet, sometimes those emotions grab you and pull you under until you can’t breathe, until you are seconds away from drowning. When it reaches that point you have to loosen your grip a little. You have to start letting the pain go. I have spent the last three days crying and beating myself up and holding on so hard to self-loathing, hurt, and fear.

“You’re all alone. Of course no one loves you. You’ve never been put first and never will be. If you can’t earn anyone’s love then how broken must you be? If you were smarter, if you had gone to college, if you had babies… then you’d be worth something.”

I’ve taken my wounds and begun stabbing them with sharp objects, making them hurt more. Why do I do this?

Why do we do this?

I’ve tried to feel better. I’ve done little things. I made apple pie, I watched Golden Girls in my jammies, I listened to sad music, listened to happy music, journaled, talked about how I was feeling. None of it helped. This morning while I was at work I found myself swimming in the sea of “You are not good enough.” Felt it pull me under, almost given up trying to fight it. But, you can’t just give up. So I got home and I pulled out my big medicine.

I took my softest blanket and favorite pillow and I laid them on the floor. I sprayed them with lavender. I burned chamomile incense. I lit candles all around this sacred space I created. I took a hot bath, with lavender oil, while I listened to sacred music. I cried, I blessed myself, I let everything out. I prayed. I got out of the bath and sat on my fuzzy blanket, and I braided my hair whilst I thought loving thoughts of myself. I gave myself a massage. I laid down with a piece of amethys over my heart, feeling the heartbeats vibrate against it. I listened to Goddess Meditations. I let all of my emptiness be filled with love.

This was my big medicine.

This was the step I needed to begin healing.

What is your big medicine? What do you do to heal?

  • Oh this is so beautiful darling!!!

    Thank you for sharing your process and well done for remembering to look after yourself!!!

    I normally have walks in nature, I do Zumba. But sometimes, less and less, I go unconscious about looking after myself if, like you have described, I experience lots of triggery stuff around me and have absorbed it fully.

    So during those occasions – I ask for help outside of me!!! In my case that involves opening up to a healing. That's my emergency rescue remedy that works for me.

    xx

  • Oh Dominee, I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and love, sweetie. It's so darned difficult when feelings like that consume us. I understand what you're saying. I think we all have those, though what those horrible feelings of inadequacy and self doubt differ between us all. I love your big medicine and the love you have shown yourself with this even in the midst of feeling so awfully low. Darlin' you are anything but inadequate. You are you. Beautiful, wonderful, Dominee. Unique and wonderful and caring. My goodness, sweetie, you're wonderful!

    When I'm feeling like that I try and list all the things that are great in my life and that I have been a part of. I try to see what it is that I gave to others and realize it was special and that people have been blessed having me in their life just as much as I have been blessed having them in my life.

    Every time you touch someone, Dominee, you bring beauty to the world and that shows you how beautiful you are, sweetie. Like today, with your Be Authentically You Ebook that you gave away to people. That has been helping me so much, I can't tell you. It came at just the most perfect time in my life. I'm going through a lot, too, right now, and it was just the dose of love and awakening I needed. Thank you so much for that.

    You give yourself a great big huge hug from me and remember, you are loved because you are you.

    Brightest blessings to you,
    Bird

  • Megan

    Thank you for sharing this. I favorited it on twitter as soon as I read it because I have also been feeling very very depressed the past few weeks. My mom was murdered almost 6 years ago, and her birthday was last week. She would have been 43. I feel like everything is too big to handle and it's going to swallow me whole. I know I need to start taking better care of myself, thank you for the reminder.