“Listen to your heart.” Sound advice right? Most of the time. I’m a big fan of listening to your heart and listening to what you feel deep down inside. Your heart holds a whole lot of wisdom.

I’ve talked about my relationship with a married man and what a disaster my first foray into love was. The entire time I told myself that I was listening to my heart. I was being brave and fighting for the love that I felt. I was going against what everyone else was saying to me because of that wonderful thing called listening to my heart.

It was all a lie.

My heart wanted to be loved fully and completely. My heart wanted to be put first and made to feel special. My heart was ready for commitment, to be a family with someone, to hear that a forever was possible. My heart wanted a ring, my heart wanted a wedding, my heart wanted my love to stand in front of the world and say how much he loved me and how proud he was to be mine.

My heart was screaming for all of that.

It didn’t get a damn thing.

I wasn’t listening to my heart, I was listening to my insecurities in the guise of heart-speak. My insecurities wanted someone in my life, it didn’t matter who or how they treated me. They wanted attention no matter how or why it was given. They wanted to feel less alone, at least sometimes. They were needy and clingy and as long as I was being kissed and cuddled they’d sell out my heart in a heartbeat.

“My heart doesn’t love you. My insecurities do.”

That was basically what it boiled down to. It was easier to listen to my insecurities than to listen to my heart speak. I betrayed my beautiful beating heart, I ignored its voice by telling everyone (and sometimes myself) that it was happy, that it was getting everything it wanted. I never want to make that mistake again.

What does your heart want?

Really, really, really?

Are there any situations where you’re letting your insecurities speak over your heart? Are you remaining true to what it wants even if it speaks softly and timidly?

  • Winter Phoebe Dawson

    Many many (((((hugs))))) to you!  I think most of us have been there in one way or another.  It definitely can be hard to discern heart-speak from shattered-soul-speak.  I once started a relationship with a married man (I was married myself, but separated.  He wasn't).  The unexpected twist is that he actually did leave his wife… the day he started seeing me in fact.  That man is now my husband.  Of course it is no fairytale; we both struggle with a lot of guilt with the way our relationship began.  It's always at the back on my mind.  At that time though back then I was so affection and love starved from my first marriage that it really didn't matter where love and affection came from.

  • Sellica

    Dominee, you are blessing me right now with your heart-sharing. I also have found myself in a situation where I followed my heart and then tried to use that as a reason to follow fear (trying to add the fear-based urge to the heart-based one and call them one and the same). I can be patient. I trust God, and I trust myself. I am enough. Thank you, dear one, for the morning inspiration. 🙂 

  • Renee Lynn A

    Wow!  I so relate to this … I have been in the wrong relationship for those exact feelings .. I was NOT in love with that person so much as I was not in love with someone ELSE.  Thank you for this awesome entry and I am inspired to write something on this as well … what does my heart really want?  Perfect writing prompt.  Blessings and loves to you my friend <3 

  • Cynthia Cano

    As always, your posts reflect something that is going on in my life right now – it's always apt and perfect. Thank you for your insights to the difference between listening to your heart and listening to your insecurities. Now I need to sit in quiet reflection and listen to what my heart is beating to…

  • Dominee

    Yes! So happy that I could provide some resonating insight. Very big hugs! <3

  • Dominee

    Oooo, I'd love to read your thoughts on what you really want. You are such a beautiful writer. Blessings to you Renee!

  • Dominee

    Ah heart-sharing, I love that. I do so enjoy sharing my heart, especially the darker bits, the parts not everyone talks about or discusses. Fear is a chameleon and likes to disguise itself, the trick is truly trusting yourself and God and it sounds like you are doing it! <3

  • Dominee

    I am so glad that even though your fairy tale isn't perfect you've found your happy ending. Sometimes the 'wrong' decision is right for you but not for someone else. I'm happy that you followed your heart and it worked out for you. I believe that we have to be responsible for our own happiness and it sounds like you found yours!