“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.”― Oscar Wilde

One of the misconceptions about self love is that it is a selfish act. To which I say Hells No! Selfishness is defined as:

Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.

Now, I’m all for you being devoted to you, and of course you should be concerned with your own interests, but true selfishness is usually born out of ego and out of a complete lack of regard for other people. Taking the time and the space for yourself is rarely going to cause other people injury or harm.

When you make the space to love yourself, you make more space to love others. 

I wish I could put into words how much truly loving myself has allowed me to love others. Before I started this journey, loving someone wasn’t about them, it was about me. What they could do for me, how they could make me feel better about myself. I loved people, not for who they were, but for whether or not they could temporarily chase away my self-loathing, my insecurities, and my pain.

I loved them for who I wanted them to be, not for who they were. As long as I got attention to soothe my fragile ego and the un-loved-ness parts of myself, I didn’t care about anything else.

Now that I actually feel good about myself, a lot of my relationships have changed for the better, there have been huge shifts… growing pains… but each of them have come out the other side better and stronger than they were before. I have learned to value people by who they are, not by what they give my ego. My self love practices have really changed me in so many ways. I can finally love unconditionally.

Ain’t nothin’ selfish about that!

So, what I am trying to get across is get thee to loving thyself. It is not only a gift that you give to yourself, but one that you give to the world.

Have you ever felt guilty or selfish for taking time for you? How has self love changed your relationships with those around you?

  • Sandra

    Dear Dominee, Stef pointed this article out to me. I wrote about the exact same topic today, you know? (http://ganzichselbst.blogspot.de/2012/08/ich-tue-was-ich-will-i-do-what-i-want.html)

    Love to you, Sandra

  • Lynn

    Dear Dominee, Found your site through the magikinwords link – thank you for this lovely post! Actually took yesterday to myself this weekend to do this – and absolutely feel the benefit of it! Completely agree that you're more able to love unconditionally when you take the time to connect with yourself! x

  • Sibylle

    You know what… I sometimes think selfishness doesn't have to be bad all the time either. For example, when I do something for someone else, I feel really good about myself, and at least part of that is ego-preening (look what a good person I am!), although that's not something I often admit 😉 But if it makes me do good things, what's wrong with it?
    I guess what I'm saying is, I've learned to judge less and that starts with myself. As long as I trust life, I believe that I'm guided to do those things that are for the highest good of everyone involved. It requires a lot of trust though, which I don't always manage, and that's when things can get hairy!!

  • Dominee

    Great minds think alike! I am glad that we are so in-tuned with the flow of the energy. Self love all the way!

  • Dominee

    Very true! Ellie Di over at TheHeadologist.com did a great post about how it's totally okay to be selfish and it's not a bad thing, and I agree! Although it seems like a lot of people believe that taking time for you is taking something away from others. Silliness I say!

  • Dominee

    Welcome Lynn, I am so happy to have you here, feel free to shout if you need anything! I am so glad that you had an enjoyable weekend, go you! <3

  • Bex Van Koot

    I often feel guilty spending time in self-care when I think I "should" be working, even though I know logically that I get so much more work done when I am taking good care of myself.