Oh 2013, we had our ups and we had our downs. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m happy to let you go and wish you on your way. I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and look at where I’ve been in the last 12 months.
This is from a blog post that never got published.
“Sometimes I resent having to speak, to converse, to not be able to get by with a nod and a smile. I just want quiet. Soothing, blissful, quiet. Opening my mouth, forming actual words, just feels like too much work.
I have wanted to bask in silence. To stop speaking.
I know, weird right? I’m fine with writing and typing, but in reality I really want to stop talking. Vow of silence and all that. I’ve lost my urge to talk, to communicate, to speak words. I just don’t have the desire or the motivation. Talking just seems like so much work. Work that I don’t want to do, and I find myself wanting to hide away, here in my safe space, more so than I usually do. I want to turn within to silence.” I felt a lot of that in January.
February was a time of anxiety for me. I was really focused on my interactions with other people, on friendships and relationships and the people around me. I felt like I was lacking in a true and strong support system and it was bringing me down. Sisterhood was such an alien concept in my every day life. I was struggling with how to create friendships with other women when I feel so socially awkward.
I talked about how to be fearless and talk about yourself to your tribe and be vulnerable and brave.
I spent some time thinking about what my life looked like before self love and how I was able to turn my life around. When I am depressed and getting down about myself, I look back and see how very far I’ve come.
March will go down in history as one of the hardest months in my entire life. I completely unraveled. I had an episode of Bell’s Palsy where the right side of my face was paralyzed for a month.
Being on steroids messed with my moods and I found myself drowning and floundering. Even now I still haven’t entirely bounced back emotionally from the stress it had on me.
I also wrote about anger, I was really in touch with it that month.
I spent a lot of time in April trying to decompress and look on the bright side. There was a lot of sad stuff in the news (isn’t their always?) so I wrote A Gift of Hope as a reminder that there’s good stuff happening out in the world.
There is always hope.
I also made plans to release the wonderful Journey Through Journaling which was scary and wonderful at the same time. I loved releasing it out into the world and I loved using it as an excuse to write in my own personal journal.
I also did a lot of reading and especially loved this quote: “Don’t ask me to look up. Don’t ask me to want. If I do, I’ll never survive.” Sometimes I feel that way.
May was another not-so-wonderful month for me. I found out that my biological father passed away and it hit me harder than I ever thought it would.
I talked about the difference between loneliness and aloneness and how being alone doesn’t have to be a bad thing and it doesn’t have to make you sad. It’s also important to say nice things to yourself.
The news was getting me down again so I made a list of happy and positive inspiring and uplifting news sources.
June found me half way through a not so pleasant year. I was ready for it to be over! Everything that I’d been through was starting to get to me. Instead of reacting and processing I was trying to cover up my feelings with a good attitude and hoping that it would eventually make me feel better.
I also wrote about when you’re in that frame of mind and have no idea what’s going on in your own head. All you know is that you feel weird and off and it’s unpleasant. Strange Brain Territory is what I call it. It’s like being lost in the middle of nowhere.
June was also the start of something fabulous: The Blessing Manifesting Monthly Challenges began and they were the best thing ever!
July was again a month of feeling unraveled but I decided it was, you know, time to deal with it and see what I could do about fixing what felt broken.
I wrote about relaxing and opening my heart as well as how your relationship with yourself is kinda like an episode of Couples Therapy. You gotta really dig deep into your communication skills and figure out what you really need. It’s all kinds of important to learn how to listen to and talk to yourself.
August was a pretty nice month. I started my series Extraordinary Ordinary Life which is about appreciating those ordinary moments and things in life that still make it beautiful.
I also figured out a really great exercise for identifying my emotions so that I can deal with them. Discovering out what you feel and why you feel it can be harder than it sounds.
I also compared painting your toes to self improvement, yes I did. You can love something and still wish to improve it. I love my toes. Wishing to paint the nails bright pink to improve how they look doesn’t mean I don’t love my toes. I LOVE MY TOES! Important wisdom there.
I fell totally in love with the song Brave by Sara Bareilles. It made me want to get up and dance and celebrate all of the beautiful things that were happening in my life.
I talked about when it’s okay to look at your past and when it’s not so okay. You can look back and celebrate how far you’ve come or you can look back and see all the mistakes you made.
I also made it a point to embrace the concept of solitude and taking a break.
October was a time for me to take a blogging break and immerse myself in life. I practiced self care everyday and I tried to figure out what I really want out of life.
I tried dating and while none of it really worked out, I learned some really important lessons about myself and sometimes that’s all you can really ask for. As an introvert I had some things to learn.
I wrote all about my self care and how wonderful October was for my soul.
Biggest Lesson: Don’t ever forget that naps are AWESOME.
Sweet November was a wonderful month for Blessing Manifesting. I released the 2014 Self Love Planner and it is the most popular thing I’ve released in the history of ever. It makes me feel so wonderful inside that I can create something that resonates with so many beautiful souls.
There are two kinds of abandon. I choose to embrace one.
I realized that I have a habit of not speaking so nicely of my old self. I discovered that even though I don’t really like her, I do love her. Intensely. My past self is still part of me and worthy of love in all of her faults and mistakes.
I loved December! Blessing Manifesting was overflowing with love, holiday cheer, and gift giving with the 12 Days of Solstice. It was wonderful to log in every day and be greeted with your love and comments. Have I mentioned that I love you all?
This has been a heavy month but a happy month of looking back at this year, at all of the things I have accomplished and seeing how I want to do things differently and embracing and adoring the things that I did right. Each year I learn more and more and that’s such a beautiful thing.