A Love Letter to Shy Girls


I am shy. Sometimes it feels like the worst non-superhero power you could ever have. For all of the shy girls out there who get that, who know how hard it is to talk and speak and use your voice – I want you to know that I see you, I hear you, and I love you.

I know what it’s like to hover on the outside, too afraid to draw notice to yourself for fear that you won’t be good enough, or interesting enough, or that you’ll have to bend or break just to fit in. That your words will come out jumbled, that there will be awkward silences, and that your brain won’t come up with the words to fill the silence.

I want to tell you a few things.

You are wise. You know how to sit back and read situations and see the things that no one else sees in the studiousness of your quiet. You hold answers that everyone else is too loud to hear. You have a better understanding of people because you see their actions as well as hear their words. You have worth.

When people ask you how you’re doing and you easily steer the conversation back to them, because it’s easier to listen to them speak than to open yourself up to vulnerability I want you to know that what you say and how you feel is important and it matters because you matter.

You choose your words wisely, and that’s a pretty amazing skill. It doesn’t make you damaged that you have to think before your speak, that you don’t like being put on the spot. That’s okay too. You aren’t the only one that has to rehearse conversations in your head or work up the bravery to say things that need to be said.

Because you are brave. You’re braver than a lot of people because things don’t come easily to you. We look at other people and we wonder how they do it. How they pick up the phone and chat so easily, how they walk up to strangers without that urge to flee, how parties and social events are fun and not a trial.

It may be hard to express yourself with spoken words but I bet you make amazing art, or have insightful ideas, or write words that are powerful. Words aren’t always needed. Actions can speak louder and you get that.

It’s okay to prefer your book to going out. And you might not have a lot of friends but the ones you have are probably pretty amazing. You understand how awesome it is to have friendships that are deep instead of superficial and you know how to be grateful for the people that get you and your special brand of weird, odd, and awkward. And if you are feeling friendless right now you can join our group. Some of us are shy ones as well. We get how sometimes sitting behind the computer screen lets you be truly you, we don’t judge.

There are women in your tribe, even though you might not know it.

You don’t need to change to be loved, you are worthy and amazing in all your shy-girl loveliness.

  • Joanna L K Moore

    This is such a great post! You've managed to say so many of the things I've been trying to say on my own blog for so long!

    It's true that there are positives to being shy. Being shy forces you to draw on resources that other people never need to use.

    And it's helpful to realise that while, for you, talking to someone might be a level 2 scary thing, for someone else that might be getting rid of a spider or something. We all have our fears and just because you find X hard and most people don't, that doesn't mean that you're worse than everyone else. Everyone else will just have other things that they struggle with.

  • I've never thought of myself as shy, because I have always felt too big/bold/loud for certain people in my past. But your post described me so well in most ways that I realize I am shy. And that's okay. (I'm also an outgoing introvert. Go figure.)

  • I agree. There is no greater freedom. I am still expanding into this freedom. It is very new to me. But it feels so very good!