An HSP Living In A Scary World

If the state of the world is seriously messing with your sensitive and tender heart right now, I want you to know you aren’t alone. It’s okay if it’s making you want to shut down right now. I feel it too, HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), that I am.

The last few months have been hard. Challenging.

It’s difficult to sort out how you feel, why you feel it, and what to do about those feelings.

It’s okay to be sensitive. To feel deeply. I’m right there with you. I’m sad. I’m confused. I’m angry and I feel that layer of discord that’s coloring my world.

I wish I could pack up my favorite blankets and books, my cats, my collection of teas, and move to a cabin in the mountains with a spotty internet connection.

It feels like the news has been one sucker punch to my heart after another. The elections here in the US, Brexit, Black Lives Matter vs All Lives Matter, police brutality and violence against the police, terrorist attacks, shootings. It’s utterly terrifying.

My heart can’t take it. And it makes me feel like a really shitty person.

“I should say something,” I think. “I should join in the hundreds of thousands of voices that are speaking from their hearts and their righteous anger at the injustice of the world.”

It gets to the point where I’m doing that thing that those of us with anxiety do. There’s this hours and hours long loop in my head, almost an obsession about it, of things that I want to say, maybe should say, but I can’t because despite the rehearsals in my head the minute my fingers hit the keyboard there’s nothing there that sounds coherent. So I stay silent. But silence is part of the problem. Silence is the enemy. I know that. Everyone says it, that you’re supposed to speak up, pick a side, get involved, rally. Be a voice. But all I’ve got is silence and it’s not because I don’t care but because I care so much.

I can’t put my feelings into words.

I’ve seen people on social media saying that chanting and praying and good thoughts won’t fix a thing. And I get it. I really do. But maybe that’s all I’ve got. I’m a cup and each one of these things that are happening in the world are poking holes in the bottom of my cup and all I’ve got to give are tears and a hope for something better. Some people are filled up with injustice and they go to battle for their causes and I cheer them on. “Thank you,” I think. “You are so brave and passionate and beautifully ferocious in your pursuit to make things better.”

But I can’t be the warrior. I can’t be like them. I can only be the healer that’s praying and hoping for things to get better.

And maybe I’m a little ashamed that I’m not that person on the front lines.

But my heart just can’t take it.

Like I said, it’s been a difficult few months and until now I haven’t been able to put it into words. Every time the news breaks I break right along with it because I want the world to be a better place and I want all of us to be good to one another. I’ve had to step away from the news and from Facebook for my sanity. For my own mental health and still, sometimes all I can do is try to collect my feelings, thoughts, and emotions and function through the day.

Maybe that’s you too.

You aren’t alone.

You just have to do what you can do.

Practice self care. Take care of yourself. Be good to people. Be a good people. Be loving. Be accepting. Do what you can do. 

  • Alison Joy

    No, I can’t be the warrior in the front line either. And then I weep because of that. Love to you, thanks for the post.