It’s no secret that I absolutely love historical romance novels. (If you do too, be my friend on goodreads!) Reading is my most used self-care, my way to unwind, relax, and have quiet Dominee-time.
The other day I was struck by something in one of my books the Duchess War. The hero is trying to get the heroine to believe in herself and to believe that she can have more than what she has. She’s afraid though.
“Don’t tell me to look up. Don’t ask me to want. If I do, I’ll never survive.” — Courtney Milan
Then I realized that I feel that way sometimes. I’m afraid to be bigger than I am, I’m afraid that if I believe that I can be that person it’s eventually going to collapse all around me.
I’m afraid to look up.
I’m afraid that if I look up I will see how very far I have to go. I’m afraid that I’ll get discouraged at how high I have to climb. I’m afraid that I just won’t have what it takes. I’m afraid of the fall if I get there. I want so much for myself and for my business and for my purpose that sometimes it’s just so terrifying to want something so bad.
Are you afraid too?
It’s easier to look straight ahead, at what you have right now. It’s easy to be grateful for what you have in the moment than to think or wish or hope or strive for what you might have. The truth is, you might not ever get it. Could you bounce back if you looked up? If you saw it within your grasp, if you knew it was so close, and then it slipped through your fingers? Could you afford not to try though?
I think that’s where we have to start to be brave. Wanting something, to succeed, to be greater than we are, that is bravery. Allowing yourself to look up, that’s courage.
We might not reach that goal. We might not ever become that person that we want to be, but we have to try. We have to look up.
We have to believe in ourselves.
Right now I’m being brave in putting myself out there, believing that Journey Through Journaling is going to be a success, believing that I am so meant to do what I’m doing. It’s hard to look up but my eyes are on the stars right now.
I’m afraid to look up, but I’m looking up.