One of the beautiful things about the Self Love Planner is that it comes from me and yet it doesn’t. When I am in the zone, doing the work, the words just pour out of me from this deep place inside of my heart where my muse resides. Oh do I love my muse. She’s such a wise woman with a beautiful soul and I’m so glad that she is part of me. I’m curious if you all see your muse in your imagination as a person and what he/she looks like! Tell me in the comments!
Anyways, even though the SLP comes directly from my heart I still love to print it out and fill it in just like you. I’ve been working on the Reflecting of 2015 section of the planner and as always I’m digging deep into what has happened this year and finding it theraputic to release the stuff that’s still stuck in my heart.
You see, I’m a bit mad at myself for not being all-knowing and omniscient.
Anyone else? Come on, it can’t just be me, right? I was sitting in the sunlight with a cup of tea while Florence and the Machine’s new album played in the background (anyone else LOVING How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful?”) and my pen got to the part about what I wanted to forgive myself for. The words just poured out and I realized I was holding a pretty big grudge with myself. What came to the forefront was that I am mad at myself for making mistakes that I didn’t know were mistakes at the time. Instead of being proud that I stretched my wings, exited my comfort zone, and learned some valuable lessons – I was still holding onto the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s”. Because I should know everything. Because I should be able to see the outcome before I do something. Because I should be perfect, and life should be perfect and I am so above making mistakes.
It’s really silly, I know.
As I was writing it down I realized how incredibly silly (and really freakin’ unhelpful) it was to be holding that grudge toward myself. So I took a step back and I gave myself a talking-to, as I do.
“Did anything good come out of that?” I ask myself. “No, nothing good. Nothing at all. It was horrible and painful and I wish it had never happened.” Of course I’m being stubborn. There was good. Most of the time there’s good to be found everywhere, it’s just a matter of seeing it. Yeah, the sucky stuff is usually what leaves the biggest imprint on our hearts but that doesn’t mean we get to overlook the big picture. There is more to see than just the pain.
So I forgive myself for making mistakes I didn’t know were mistakes and for not knowing everything.
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”― Maya Angelou
We are so hard on ourselves for no reason. Don’t be. This year might have been the worst year you’ve had in awhile, or maybe it was the worst year ever but beating yourself up over what you “shoulda, woulda, coulda” done does nothing productive. You know better now. You’ll do better in the future. Even if you make the mistakes again (let’s be honest, sometimes it’s really hard to learn) you’ll be wiser and stronger for it.
So let it go. Forgive yourself. This time and as many times as you need to in the future. We’re all just human. We’re all still learning.