Wild. Untamed. I love those words.
But they scare me.
I love being in control. It’s essential to my survival. It’s something that I cling to like a lifeline. I don’t just want it. I need it. It’s like I need to be able to breathe.
Depression makes it hard to let go and anxiety makes it nearly impossible. Wild and Untamed give me a little shiver and not entirely in a good way. I wanted to face it anyway. Feel it anyway.
I see the ways that I am untamed. From the outside, I look boring. Really, really boring. I like to spend the majority of my free time reading with a cat on my lap or laying on the floor doing jigsaw puzzles while I drink tea. One does not look at my life and think “There goes a wild one.” Sometimes it’s really hard for me to acknowledge that there’s wildness inside of me. But when I really pay attention?
There is so much wild.
There are so many ways that I am untamed. The way that I laugh too loudly when I find something hilarious and I don’t care. The way I feel when I’m jogging or when I find my ‘zen’ in my yoga practice. Dances I do in happiness or in worship of Aphrodite. My wild, untamed, curly hair. The way I unapologetically love my freckles and celebrate each new one that I find. Sitting outside soaking in the morning sunlight or moon gazing in the middle of the night when everything is so quiet. The way that I love fiercely and completely in everything that I do. The feeling of the dirt in my hands when I garden. My passion for the things I love.
My wild is sometimes a little soft and a lot sweet, but it’s all mine.
I’d like to know what little things make you feel wild? What are your quirks? What parts of you are untamed? How are you wild?