I can’t believe that this will be my 8th year in a row choosing a word-of-the-year. It’s so cool to be able to look back at each year and see where my mind was at and how that word led me to my next one. Gods, I love being a blogger. I have this documentation to this amazing journey that is life.
There’s a spot in the 2019 Self-Love Workbook to document your word.
Before I share with you my word for 2019 and what it means to me, let’s take a trip down memory lane. And if you’re looking for your own word – check out my 175 suggestions!
I was just beginning my self-love journey and I was just learning how to practice self-care. I was extremely depressed, my anxiety was at a constant 10 and I was so overwhelmed with life. That’s what led me to self-love – I needed something to cling to. Which makes my choice of the word “surrender” even more meaningful.
There were all of these things that I could suddenly see that I needed to change in my life and I realized that I needed to surrender to the process. I needed to surrender to letting those changes wash over me.
Shine was about being authentic, honest, and brave with my business and my blogging. I’d been in it a little over a year and I was such a baby blogger. I was afraid to put myself out there. Afraid to create. I really wanted to step out of my comfort zone and shine.
I’d like to think that 6 years later I am totally rocking this word.
I remember choosing strength because my depression was pretty bad. I was feeling like I was weak and some days I was having trouble getting through it.
Strength was a constant mantra for me to remind myself that I was strong enough to get through it and strong enough to still be here.
Depth was about going deep within myself and my creativity. Exploring thoroughly into those scary dark corners of myself. Getting deep within my writing and my art. Getting to know my heart more profoundly.
Mend about trying to heal from my toxic relationship while I was still in it. My word didn’t work out because you can’t heal a wound that’s repeatedly being ripped open but it was the first time I really admitted that I needed to heal and that it wasn’t a good situation. It just took my heart a bit to catch up with my mind.
Magic was my word for 2017 and was all about falling in love with my spirituality and the magic of my life again. I connected deeply with the Goddess Persephone and created some beautiful daily rituals for myself.
Surrender – Part Two (2018)
2018 the most polarizing year of my life. When I chose the word Surrender my mom had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer and my relationship
I have never been under so much stress and anxiety in my life. I was having a lot of trouble coping and I felt really helpless.
It was my goal to lean into that feeling and just accept how little control I had over everything and that was extremely healing.
My word for 2019 is Soften
Soften – ease, relieve, soothe, take the edge off, cushion, become tender.
Those are all things I find myself needing right now. I feel like the events of earlier this year caused me to build this wall around the more tender aspects of myself for survival’s sake.
A lot of those defense-mechanisms integrated so deeply that I didn’t even realize it. I feel like I have these mental and emotional landmines that I keep coming across now and I’m like “Where did you come from?”.
That anxiety that I felt for the first four months is still held in my bones and my muscles. I am tense and sore and whenever I take a moment to check in with my body my shoulders are tensed up.
I’ve started having migraines again which is a stress/anxiety symptom that I thought I left behind me a few years ago.
The biggest casualty of 2018 was my emotional state
Honestly, it’s been three years of damage. See toxic relationship. I’m now completely removed from that situation and in a loving, supporting, and (most of all) healthy relationship but I still find it hard to fully tap into my emotions.
Three years of being in crisis mode and now I’m trying to convince my mental self to put down the shield and the battleaxe and be safe.
Because I am safe. That’s my mantra going into 2019. “You are safe.”
By the end of the year I hope that my mind and body have melted into that feeling of safety and comfort.