June is gay pride month and it’s a time to celebrate those key figures that fought for gay rights throughout history, most notably the 1969 Stonewall riots in Manhattan. It’s also a time to raise awareness about issues in the LGBTQIA+ community and for those (when it is safe to do so) to be visible, share our stories, and our voices.
If you’ve missed it on the blog, I’m pansexual (meaning I find gender pretty irrelevant to who I am attracted to). I’m also married, which might be news to you!
I’ve been blogging for 8 (or is it 9?) years and I used to be incredibly open about my personal life. As I’ve grown older, I’ve found myself blogging less about the personal and more about broad topics, maybe it’s maturity, maybe my life is just really boring, but over the last few years, I haven’t shared as much. Anyway, I wanted to give you an update.
Meet my wife Megan!
We met last year on a dating site and bonded over our love of the Golden Girls. Is there a better way to start a relationship? I don’t think so!
I had recently ended a very toxic relationship and I anticipated that I would be single for a while. Like I had to heal from some pretty traumatic experiences.
My go-to was always shutting down and then isolating myself, not a bad way to heal from a relationship, in fact, it’s one I recommend. However, I was starved for human conversation.
The previous relationship already had me pretty isolated and I had spent much of that time feeling lonely.
I wanted friends, and people to binge watch the Office and Golden Girls with me and if I found a friendship that blossomed into more… it didn’t even cross my mind.
I immediately enjoyed talking to Megan. Shy, introverted, me has been known to come up with excuses to spread out messages and conversations over days, responding sporadically because socializing is hard for me, especially when it’s at a constant pace – but she and I were texting non-stop.
Then we started talking on the phone, something I’ve always despised with a burning passion, but with her, it would be four hours later and I’d have spent all of it laughing until my sides hurt.
We met in person at a Mexican restaurant and both of us were too nervous to eat. Good food was wasted that day. My initial impression was that she had the best laugh and the best smile. I let her talk the whole time, completely fascinated by how she talked with her hands when telling a story, while I wondered if I was making too much eye contact or not enough.
Extrovert meet introvert. I loved that she could talk like she did, it put me at ease.
Deciding that neither one of us were serial killers we went on our first date. She was working two jobs and she drove over an hour to pick me up and we went to a bookstore where we talked about our love for reading and what books we had read and what authors we liked and then we went to dinner.
Later, we were watching One Day At Time on Netflix and she fell asleep on my couch and it was the cutest thing ever.
It was right around that moment when she was snoring on me that I knew I absolutely adored her.
And four months later we were married. I’ve never been one to move fast in relationships.
At 33 I’d never been engaged, never moved in with anyone, never contemplated marriage. All of it was pretty alien to me. I used to think marriage was not my thing and I’d constantly joke that whoever I ended up with would have to buy the house next door because I wasn’t sharing my space with anyone.
And then she happened.
And I wanted marriage and living together and joining our lives together. My brain which is always anxious, and always overthinks, and never lets me be impulsive, said a calm and quiet yes.
I can’t tell you how incredibly freeing it was to feel sure about a human. To know.
She’s incredibly funny, thoughtful, generous, an amazing cook and baker and a million other things. I’ve never relied on other people to make me happy, it always led to disappointment, but she makes me happy.
As we approach our one year anniversary, I don’t regret a thing.
Adjusting to marriage and cohabitation was a journey. I spent 14 years solely taking care of myself as an adult.
Much of my self-care and many of my coping mechanisms revolved around my own space and aloneness.
I wouldn’t change it for anything. We’ve been on so many little adventures and the whole experience has helped me discover aspects of myself I never knew existed.
There were other things I had to adjust to as well. A healthy relationship that wasn’t fraught with arguing, breaking up and getting back together, and emotional abuse.
When you’re so used to emotional rollercoasters, stability can be terrifying. Wonderful, yet terrifying.
I’m so glad that I found my person.
Wait for the right person. Don’t settle. Don’t believe that you deserve cheating, manipulation, abuse. It’s not your destiny to spend your whole life trying to “fix” someone.
You deserve happy and healthy relationships, don’t settle for anything less.