8 Self-Care Lessons Learned from Fairy Tales

I was originally outlining a plan for my newsletter this morning and I thought – “You know what would be cute? A fairy tale design.” And then when I started thinking about it, I was making all of the associations between different fairy tale themes and then I decided it would make a super cute blog post – and here we are! 8 Self-Care Lessons Learned from Fairy Tales You’ve Got To Kiss the Frogs: You’re not always going to get it right on the first try and that’s okay. Whether it’s in love, your career, nailing a hobby, or meeting a goal – you’re going to fail sometimes. I didn’t find my twue wuv until I was in my 30s. I’ve been blogging for a decade and only in the last few years have I really “made” it. It took me years to work on my anxiety and my…

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Celebrate Your Personal Accomplishments

Lots of mental health issues stem from a sense of worthlessness. When you have anxiety or depression that makes it hard to do even the smallest things – it’s hard to remember that you’re awesome. There are different ways to define your self-worth, and so often we wrap those definitions around “normal” accomplishments. Like having a successful career, losing weight, buying a house by a certain age, a wonderful marriage, or having a life that’s Instagram-perfect. That’s what we’ve been taught success looks like. All of those things are wonderful accomplishments but they aren’t the only accomplishments. Now let’s say that you don’t have any of those things. It’s so easy to fall into a shame/guilt spiral. Feeling like you can’t do things right. Like you might never be any sort of version of successful. The problem with all of this is that most of us don’t know how to…

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7 Reasons Why Our Attempts at Self-Improvement Fall Flat

Human beings are not fixed. We’re constantly changing, adapting, and evolving. We all have default behaviors but that doesn’t mean that we can’t change them. Because we can change them. We don’t have to stay stuck. The last few months, I’ve been focusing on my anxiety. Global pandemics have a way of making you feel like all the work you’ve done to not be anxious has completely unraveled. I’ve noticed that I’ve reverted to some of my default settings. Getting angry or annoyed over little things. Staying up way later than I should. A heaviness in my chest that tells me that my stress levels are too high. So I’ve been doing the work. I’ve downloaded apps on my phone to help me be more mindful and organized. I’ve started meditating (nearly) every day and I’m listening to music that makes me feel calm and happy. Changing those default settings…

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LGBTQIA Self-Care for Pride Month

I’m late, I know! But there were so many things happening in June that I, unfortunately, didn’t get the chance to finish this, but it’s such an important topic and I wanted to write about it! I’m Dominee (she/her), I’m married to a super cool chick, and I identify as pansexual – which means I find all types of people attractive and it’s not based on gender. I knew when I was 10 or 11 that I liked girls. And it felt like such a scary thing to know about yourself because what do you do with that kind of information? At first, I thought that it was normal, that all girls liked girls but it was something that didn’t matter because we had to like boys too. And then I learned it wasn’t okay. I came out to my mom when I was 15 and she told me that it…

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Identifying Your Triggers

A few days ago, one of the members of the SoulSisterhood shared an image from the Gottman Institute and I fell in love with their stuff. They have some really insightful, wonderful information on their social media accounts and on their website. They were also sweet enough to give me permission to re-create this image about feelings and identifying triggers. Let’s talk about feelings and identifying your triggers. A trigger is something that sets off an emotional reaction in the form of a memory or flashback related to trauma. Raised voices might trigger a memory of childhood abuse. The smell of beer might trigger a memory of feeling unsafe around a parent who was drinking. Hearing certain words or phrases might remind you of an abusive ex. Some of the triggers may not even make sense to anyone but you. Everyone is different. For the longest time, the sound of…

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Self-Love List: Homework #1

If you’ve purchased my Self-Love Workbook then you know that one act of self-love/self-care that I absolutely love is making a list of five things that you love about yourself. Not only is it a great way to see the things that you appreciate about yourself, it’s a great way to see how your thoughts about yourself are changing. For example when you’re first discovering the concept of self-love, it might be really difficult to find physical things that you like about yourself, or maybe you’ll only focus on the physical because that’s what people like about you so that’s what you like about yourself. Through your self-love journey you see that change. It changes in many ways. Another aspect of self-care is focusing on your strengths and the things you love to do. Creating boundaries with people and with aspects of your life so that you have more energy…

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Self-Care Challenge + July Check-In!

Do you want to step up your self-care game? I created a mini-challenge just for you! It’s a bit word association. Do what feels good. The summer sun is shining and like each brand new month, I am so excited about it. Each month is an opportunity to set intentions, create goals, and start with a brand new blank slate. In other words, we get to pretend that we can have our shit together for a whole 30 days. It doesn’t hurt to try though! My goal every month is to make more progress than I did the month before. Even if I fall short, I’m still moving forward and that’s the part that matters. Our goal is not to completely turn our lives upside down, but to slowly add in nourishing and sustainable acts of self-care. So today I ask you the most important question: What do you need…

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How Do You Define Your Self-Worth?

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” I feel like I need that tattooed on my forehead so I can see it every day when I look in the mirror. I fell in love with it the moment I read the words and they sunk into my brain. As an empath, it resonated. It has been such a struggle for me not to carry other people’s problems around with me, not to give everything inside of me to save someone else from pain, and not to break under other people’s expectations of who I am supposed to be. It took me a very long time to learn how to measure my value. We are so conditioned to believe that our value is tied up in what we give instead of who we are. When we’re kids, we’ve got to make our parents happy and…

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Self-Care For Morning Anxiety

I suffer from morning anxiety. When I’m going through a bad period of anxiety it manifests itself in several ways. Sometimes it’s terrible nightmares, frequent migraines, panic attacks, general anxiety + sense of doom, and sometimes it’s morning anxiety. (For help with anxiety, check out my workbook – Breathe.) Morning anxiety is the worst of them all. Morning anxiety is caused (usually) by the steroid hormone, cortisol which is produced in the adrenal glands. We humans have this thing called the Cortisol Awakening Response. When we wake up, most of us have a sharp 38–75% increase of cortisol for about 30 minutes. Anxiety and stress also create cortisol. So if you’re in a constant state of high stress, you fall asleep stressed out, or you wake up and are anxious about the day – your body starts producing way more cortisol and in response, you freak out. Instead of the…

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