You Are Unique (And that’s totally okay)

I’m weird and let me tell you, it caused a lot of issues for me when I was growing up. Combined with intense shyness and introversion, it was difficult for me to make friends. I spent my teens wishing that I could be “normal” but normal things didn’t interest me. My teens consisted of devouring book after book, writing Harry Potter fanfiction, and being lost in my imagination. Most kids don’t want to have discussions about those things. I felt too weird to have boys interested in me. Too weird to have real friends. That mindset that I was other – weird – odd – dysfunctional – made it really hard to love myself. It made it hard to believe that I would ever be worthy of anything good. I fell into shitty relationships with anyone who would have me and that enhanced my feeling of being too weird to…

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So, I Went On A Date Yesterday (It was awesome)

Yesterday, I had a very special date day with myself and it was just what I needed. It’s been awhile since I blogged. Things have been pretty difficult for me lately. I’ve been so stressed out trying to get “life” in order. I haven’t had the will to do very much except try to keep my head above water and not drown from the stress and anxiety of it all. I’ve been so focused on ‘fixing’ everything that was wrong that everything that was ‘right’ was neglected and before I knew it my life looked like a disaster zone. My friendships aren’t where I’d like them to be, my apartment is a mess, I’ve been a bundle of panic and stomach aches, I’ve had nightmares, and all-in-all I’ve just been pretty miserable. I want to fix all of the ‘outside’ stuff so badly. I want to fix my friendships that…

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My Anxiety is Scared of Silence

When my anxiety is really intense I often find myself suffering from anxious silence. Anxious silence is when there is no sound and my anxious brain goes on overdrive. I can hear all of my thoughts, my anxious thoughts, running through my head, over and over again. So I drown out the sound of my thoughts. I compulsively listen to audiobooks, or I have ASMR videos playing in the background while I work. There’s always some sound for my brain to focus on. Music or episodes of the Office I’ve seen a hundred times. I suppose it’s an avoidance technique so I don’t deal with what’s really bothering me. I have generalized anxiety disorder but most of the time it’s managed. It stops being managed when I let other aspects of my life get out of control. Like having poor boundaries and letting people walk all over me. Or not…

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That Time I Climbed a Tree For the First Time!

Hello all you lovely, wonderful, fantastic people! Right now I am outside, sitting in a park (actually, right now I’m sitting at home, but I’m typing what I wrote in the park). Last night was not a good night, not for lack of trying on my part, this being a positive person thing is hard. This morning I found myself walking home from work and I was not happy. I was the complete opposite of happy. I’d come up with this wonderful plan to get an iced coffee, take pretty pictures of nature-y things, stop at the park and write, or read. I wanted to be relaxed and joyful. This was my plan. After work I looked outside and it was cloudy and gloomy and suddenly my whole mood sunk and my plan didn’t seem so wonderful after all. Then someone hurt my feelings and my mood sunk even lower.…

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