My Anxiety is Scared of Silence

When my anxiety is really intense I often find myself suffering from anxious silence. Anxious silence is when there is no sound and my anxious brain goes on overdrive. I can hear all of my thoughts, my anxious thoughts, running through my head, over and over again. So I drown out the sound of my thoughts. I compulsively listen to audiobooks, or I have ASMR videos playing in the background while I work. There’s always some sound for my brain to focus on. Music or episodes of the Office I’ve seen a hundred times. I suppose it’s an avoidance technique so I don’t deal with what’s really bothering me. I have generalized anxiety disorder but most of the time it’s managed. It stops being managed when I let other aspects of my life get out of control. Like having poor boundaries and letting people walk all over me. Or not…

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That Time I Climbed a Tree For the First Time!

Hello all you lovely, wonderful, fantastic people! Right now I am outside, sitting in a park (actually, right now I’m sitting at home, but I’m typing what I wrote in the park). Last night was not a good night, not for lack of trying on my part, this being a positive person thing is hard. This morning I found myself walking home from work and I was not happy. I was the complete opposite of happy. I’d come up with this wonderful plan to get an iced coffee, take pretty pictures of nature-y things, stop at the park and write, or read. I wanted to be relaxed and joyful. This was my plan. After work I looked outside and it was cloudy and gloomy and suddenly my whole mood sunk and my plan didn’t seem so wonderful after all. Then someone hurt my feelings and my mood sunk even lower.…

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Eat, Pray, Love: My Review of Part 1

First off, Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia by Elizabeth Gilbert is an amazing book. If you haven’t read it I recommend it with my whole heart! Did I mention I’m only a hundred pages in? I have changed just by reading those 100 pages, if only just to know that someone else has felt how I’ve felt. For those of you that haven’t read the book (or seen the movie) it is divided into three sections about the three places Elizabeth visits Italy, India, and Indonesia. Each place holds a different meaning to her, each place changes her in a miraculous way. I don’t want to ruin the book for you but there are two excerpts so far that have touched me on a very deep level. The following excerpt is about her addiction to love and being in love. When reading…

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Self-Forgiveness: Forgive Your Mistakes

“Forgiveness doesn’t mean allowing the painful behaviors or actions of another to continue in your life. Sometimes, forgiveness means letting go. You forgive them and release them. Taking a stand and setting healthy boundaries are often the most loving things you can do—not only for yourself, but for the other person as well.” – Louise L. Hay Forgiveness, oh how I loathe you sometimes. Forgiveness seems to be the theme of my life lately and what a huge theme it has turned out to be. Besides love, I’m hard-pressed to think of any other theme that so prominently weaves its way in and out of lives. It is needed as much as love. Love can not survive without forgiveness. This past week I’ve allowed myself to work on forgiveness, whether it be towards myself or towards others. It has involved tears, it has involved laughter, but most importantly it has…

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