How to Choose Your Word of the Year + 175 Suggestions

I’ve been picking a Word of the Year since 2012 and if you’ve got the Self-Love Planner then you’ve probably already chosen a word. I’ve always been big on new beginnings and I anxiously wait for the New Year because it’s fresh and shiny with no mistakes in it yet. Every year since I was a teenager I’ve made New Year’s Resolutions and I believe I failed at every single one of them. They were all your usual teenage resolutions – lose weight, make friends, become pretty and popular. Choosing a word of the year actually coincided with discovering the concept of self-love. It’s been a game changer. If you’d like to share your word and how you chose it, join our Facebook group, the SoulSisterhood. These have been my “words”. Surrender (2012) Shine (2013) Strength (2014) Depth (2015) Mend (2016) Magic (2017) Surrender – Part Two  (2018) Soften (2019) How do you choose…

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Psychological Necromancy: Reanimating the Past

I’m re-reading the Dresden Files which is one of my favorite series about a snarky, wise-ass, wizard, private investigator who solves supernatural mysteries in Chicago. Looking for a fun, oftentimes hilarious, read? I definitely recommend it. I have Dresden to thank for this blog post and the term psychological necromancy. What’s it mean? Psychological Necromancy: Dredging up old memories of people, relationships, and things said to you for the purpose of torturing yourself. All of those things that we haven’t dealt with in the past and all of the mistakes we’ve made? We pull them out of the past where they should be dead and buried and we re-animate them into a Walking Dead-style horde of would-haves, should-haves, and could-haves. We replay the hateful things our exes said. We tell ourselves that we deserved it or that we’ll never find anything better. We use our memories and experiences to punish…

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How To Have Compassion for Yourself

I used to be very hard on myself. I took the tough-love approach to my self-improvement and I thought that the meaner I was to myself the more it would motivate me to change. Call yourself fat and disgusting enough time and you’ll lose those pounds. Tell yourself how stupid you are and you’ll stop making mistakes. Shocker, it didn’t work. After awhile, it was so common for me to be mean to myself that I stopped noticing I was doing it.  Until I’d fall into depression and then I’d notice, and believe those things. Self-love helped me see that being a judgmental asshole to myself accomplished absolutely nothing. It took a long time to get out of that habit. I’m talking years. I was committed to changing but no matter how hard I tried the moment I got frustrated at myself I was right back to calling myself stupid…

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How Are You Wild?

Wild. Untamed. I love those words. But they scare me. I love being in control. It’s essential to my survival. It’s something that I cling to like a lifeline. I don’t just want it. I need it. It’s like I need to be able to breathe. Depression makes it hard to let go and anxiety makes it nearly impossible. Wild and Untamed give me a little shiver and not entirely in a good way. I wanted to face it anyway. Feel it anyway. I see the ways that I am untamed. From the outside, I look boring. Really, really boring. I like to spend the majority of my free time reading with a cat on my lap or laying on the floor doing jigsaw puzzles while I drink tea. One does not look at my life and think “There goes a wild one.” Sometimes it’s really hard for me to…

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