How to Heal from Emotional Abuse

Today we have another post from our contributor, Sam on emotional abuse. Love should never hurt. But for too many, “love” seems almost inevitably linked to pain. For too many of us, our past relationships have taught us to expect to be hurt by our partners. Our histories have made us believe that we’re only lovable, we’re only worth sticking around for, if we’re sacrificing ourselves and our needs.  If we don’t suck it up and take it, we think we’re going to end up alone. And being alone, when you’ve been emotionally abused, is maybe the most terrifying prospect of all.  But life should not be pain. And love should most certainly never hurt. But you’ll never move on to the life you deserve until you finally stop blaming and start loving yourself at last. Recognizing the Abuse One of the most debilitating aspects of emotional abuse. We often…

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Gaslighting & the After-Effects

This morning, I was browsing Facebook, as you do, and I came across a meme that talked about how victims of gaslighting often develop a tendency to over-explain themselves. And it hit me hard because it’s so true. Gaslighting is a form of abuse and manipulation where one person tries to alter someone else’s reality. For example, someone telling you that you’re remembering something wrong, or that something didn’t happen, when you know it did. It’s not a lapse in memory or a mistake, but a concentrated effort to undermine you and make you question what you know so that they can avoid accountability for their actions. I still feel the after-effects of gas-lighting. When confronting a problem in my current relationship I basically feel like I have to have a powerpoint presentation complete with times and dates and specific instances. It’s still in my head that everything I say…

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