Healthy Love vs. Unhealthy Love

As Valentine’s Day approaches it gives everyone a chance to re-evaluate their relationships. I wanted to showcase what healthy relationships look like and also what unhealthy ones look like. No one’s perfect and you might fall into unhealthy behaviors at times but it’s so important that your relationship be more healthy than unhealthy. I’m very aware of what unhealthy relationships look like. In my first relationship, we both did and said completely loathsome things to one another. It was 100% toxic and full of lies and manipulation. (On both sides) My second relationship was controlling and very off and on (on both sides). In my third relationship, I was the problem. I was jealous, controlling, manipulative, extremely up and down, and verbally abusive while they were patient, kind, non-reactive, and understanding – at least until the point that they couldn’t take my verbal abuse any longer and they created a…

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Healing From a Traumatic Relationship

If you’ve been around for a while then you’ve probably read about my relationship with an alcoholic. Holy trauma batman. I don’t know how I survived with my sanity intact. There were many times I didn’t think I would. As someone who has struggled with anxiety and depression that traumatic relationship, all three years of it, nearly broke me. (Since writing this post, I created a workbook on healing from toxic, abusive, and codependent relationships) To be perfectly honest I’m not sure that there was any aspect of my life not affected by the trauma of it. And I am starting to realize that it is trauma. We’ve all been in bad relationships, it’s a rite of passage, but then there are the relationships that cause severe damage that continues to affect your everyday life and relationships. Doctors have started to call it post-traumatic relationship syndrome. It’s a real thing. I…

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Tough Self-Love and Practicing Difficult Self-Care

If you’ve been hanging out here awhile then you know that my motto for self-care is “Ask yourself what you need.” And then do that thing. If you check out my Self-Love Workbook then you’ll see that my brand of self-care isn’t about manicures and vacations – but actionable steps that can improve your life, tough self-love. We’ve got to show a little tough love to ourselves on occasion. Sometimes we need to do something but we don’t want to do it. So we push it to the back-burner. There’s a lot of self-care that’s hard, that’s painful, and that stirs up a lot of unpleasant emotions and feelings. We need to do those things anyway. As someone that has anxiety and depression – it’s even more difficult to do some of those essential things. They trigger that anxious response and we tell ourselves that because it makes us feel bad initially…

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How Do You Define Your Self-Worth?

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” I feel like I need that tattooed on my forehead so I can see it every day when I look in the mirror. I fell in love with it the moment I read the words and they sunk into my brain. As an empath, it resonated. It has been such a struggle for me not to carry other people’s problems around with me, not to give everything inside of me to save someone else from pain, and not to break under other people’s expectations of who I am supposed to be. It took me a very long time to learn how to measure my value. We are so conditioned to believe that our value is tied up in what we give instead of who we are. When we’re kids, we’ve got to make our parents happy and…

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