7 Reasons Why Our Attempts at Self-Improvement Fall Flat

Human beings are not fixed. We’re constantly changing, adapting, and evolving. We all have default behaviors but that doesn’t mean that we can’t change them. Because we can change them. We don’t have to stay stuck. The last few months, I’ve been focusing on my anxiety. Global pandemics have a way of making you feel like all the work you’ve done to not be anxious has completely unraveled. I’ve noticed that I’ve reverted to some of my default settings. Getting angry or annoyed over little things. Staying up way later than I should. A heaviness in my chest that tells me that my stress levels are too high. So I’ve been doing the work. I’ve downloaded apps on my phone to help me be more mindful and organized. I’ve started meditating (nearly) every day and I’m listening to music that makes me feel calm and happy. Changing those default settings…

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What Are Your Low-Key Toxic Traits?

I’m a Hufflepuff. If you’re not into Harry Potter, Hufflepuff is the house that values patience and loyalty. Patience and loyalty are awesome traits unless they’re rooted in unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment combined with poor boundaries. Hello. That’s me. My loyalty, which makes me a kick-ass friend who will stand by your side no matter what – stems from an intense fear of abandonment. I fear abandonment so I over-compensate by not wanting to abandon anyone else. No matter what. Even when they hurt me, lie to me, take advantage of me – I will still be your friend. Let’s not even get into relationships – for three years I dealt with verbal and emotional abuse, cheating, lying, manipulation, gas-lighting, and being financially used and I stayed because loyalty. And patience? It’s endless. I am endlessly patient as I wait for you to change. Patient as I give…

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Self-Discovery: 8 Ways to Find Your True Self

I got an email last week from a reader asking me “How do you find yourself?”. How do you start focusing on yourself when it’s something that you’ve never done before? How do you find your role in life and most importantly how do you find that starting point for figuring yourself out? Awesome questions and they definitely made me think! They also made me nostalgic about my own journey to self-discovery. It was equal parts the happiest and one of the more painful times in my life. When I first started this blog and this journey I felt – not like a blank slate – but like a mishmash of random things that made a person but not a complete one. Like someone had taken a handful of puzzle pieces and jammed them together when they didn’t really fit. I’d gone through over a decade of depression from my…

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How Do You Define Your Self-Worth?

“You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.” I feel like I need that tattooed on my forehead so I can see it every day when I look in the mirror. I fell in love with it the moment I read the words and they sunk into my brain. As an empath, it resonated. It has been such a struggle for me not to carry other people’s problems around with me, not to give everything inside of me to save someone else from pain, and not to break under other people’s expectations of who I am supposed to be. It took me a very long time to learn how to measure my value. We are so conditioned to believe that our value is tied up in what we give instead of who we are. When we’re kids, we’ve got to make our parents happy and…

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