We’re only a few days into the New Year and as I’m filling out my Self-Care Planner I’m thinking about what I’m letting go of in 2020 as I move into a new year. A brand new shiny year with 366 days of magic just waiting to be filled.
As I grow older, I find myself shedding more and more of who I used to be as I wrap authenticity around myself and become more and more myself.
I used to give everything of myself so that other people would love me. I would try to be social even on the days when I was so mentally and socially exhausted that I knew I wouldn’t want to get out of bed for days. Loving myself wasn’t a problem. However, I still yearned for other people to love me in the same way that I loved myself.
What I’m Letting Go of in 2020:
Letting others push my boundaries for the sake of being nice.
My ex and I broke up two years ago. In the beginning of 2019, I still responded when she’d contact me. Surprise, surprise, that every time it would turn into her berating me. I felt like I had to be nice and talk to her, especially when she’d preface conversations with how she was focusing on her sobriety and just wanted to apologize to me.
Eventually I blocked her in every way that I could. I ignored any efforts to contact me in other ways and I’m planning on keeping that energy moving forward.
If you’re nice enough that you’ll put up with verbal abuse – you’re too nice. It took me 30+ years to realize that ‘too nice’ is not a strength – it’s often a toxic flaw that can completely implode your life.
Comparing myself to other people.
I haven’t had a problem with this one until recently. Someone on Instagram messaged me a few weeks ago and told me that another blogger who has a huuuuuuuge following had messaged her and threatened her with legal action for copying her self-love doodles/graphics and in that message, she had named other accounts, including mine, as people who were copying her work as well.
Neither of the people were people I followed. I soon found out that the account making the accusation had actually blocked me at some point. My heart broke a little, not going to lie. So I emailed her and explained that I wasn’t copying her work, had never followed her, and that I was upset that she had never come to me and was instead making accusations to others. I got a terse, one sentence reply and that was that.
But now, I find myself checking to make sure that whatever I’m about to post isn’t something she she has posted. I hate that. I hate the anxiety it’s given me and that type of comparison feels I have now. I’m going to try to let it go and just create to create again.
Letting my stress levels overwhelm me.
I used to get stress migraines all of the time. They started in high school and followed me all throughout my life. The migraines would get so bad that I would throw up and the only cure was sleep.
I hated it. I hated to have my day cut short because I had to go take a nap. They’re always triggered by periods of stress so I’m focusing on stress management this year. My time is sacred and I’m not going to let my stress rob me of it.
Allowing the past to control my present.
When you’ve been in an abusive or toxic relationship, it’s really hard to break out of the patterns that you’ve created for survival. There are parts of myself that are still wearing armor to protect me from the things I experienced in the past.
It’s time to take it all off. I want to allow myself to be vulnerable again.
I want to remind myself that I am safe again.
Putting my energy into things that don’t bring me joy.
My word of the year is sacred. I want to keep that at the forefront of my thoughts this year. Everything that I do needs to be based in that philosophy.
Anxiety has turned me into an overachiever. I often feel like I have to give 100% of myself to everything that I do. I’m learning to understand that it’s okay to give the bare-minimum to some things so that you have more of yourself to give to the things that really matter.